and wombats

Officer Pete Kolchuk of the SFPD’s Tactical Unit opened a manila envelope containing photocopies of four Chinese playing cards and a letter from the Queen of Romania to Cary Grant thanking Officer Kolchuck for saving her from an attack of vampire wombats. The neat handwritten lines kept crossing. He tossed them in the wastebasket.

No. He opened a manila envelope containing a copy of his wife Pat’s birth certificate revealing she was born on the planet Folderol, beamed to earth 200 years ago, and raised in a Canadian forest by wild nuns. The accompanying letter from Immigration and Naturalization required her deportation the minute the planet was located. He tossed it in the wastebasket.

No. He opened a manila envelope containing photocopies of checks from some Fandango offshore Bank & Trust made out to the very Jimmy O’Shea he had so skillfully worked over at Park Station during the hippie riot in the Haight, together with a letter claiming the little fucker worked for a government bureaucracy, Forestria or Intelligencia or a group named SLOG. What next? Harry Bridges works for the FBI? If Jimmy O’Shea is not a notorious radical this is not San Francisco and my wife’s an alien from Folderol. He tossed it in the wastebasket.

Where it was found by Eugene “Pighead” Bigs. By day Bigs edited Hammer and Tongs, “militant voice of the revolutionary black nation" and informed the police about the activities of his fellow militants. By night he cleaned the offices of the SFPD, scouring the desks, bins, and bulletin boards for information helpful to the people on whom he informed.

Reading the contents of Kolchuk’s wastebasket, Bigs knew he had a double scoop. As leader of the black masses, he had proof of so-called radical Jimmy O’Shea’s sell-out to the racist oppressor. As agent of the racist oppressor, he had the power to destroy yet another enemy of the state.


His article

Phony Radical Exposed:
Agent of Fascist CIA


dominated Hammer and Tongs’ next four-page single-spaced mimeographed edition.


We, the black radical masses, know a “Judas Goat” when we see one. Hammer and Tongs saw Jimmy O’Shea for what he was, a notorious white liberal (all white liberals are notorious for their ability to beat a hasty retreat from a fight), back when he was with Friends of SNCC, a reactionary gang of liberal whites and Negroes who came into the Fillmore District with their money and women four years ago pretending to fight against urban redevelopment (Negro removal). Now O’Shea stands convicted as a “handmaiden of reaction”, a paid agent of the CIA. We have proof from the horse’s ass itself, secret sources inside the greatest oppressor of Third World people, the Central Intelligence(?) Agency. Once again we see the utter futility of entering into any coalition between white so-called radicals and the black community. The slogan “Black and white unite and fight” may sound good but the presence of CIA agents like O’Shea prove it to be more “sick” liberal garbage pandering to the subterranean motives of Uncle Tom Assemblyman Willie Brown and his weak-sister cohorts. They are nothing more than a fifth column within the Black Liberation Struggle.


Bigs printed an extra hundred copies of the issue which were handed out on the streets of the Fillmore and Hunters Point Districts to people who never heard of Jimmy O’Shea. He mailed one copy to Herb Caen.